With today being world mental health day I thought it would be totally ok to pimp out one of my friends and her extensive knowledge on this subject. Im lucky enough to have a close friend who is a Cognitive Behavioural Psychotherapist. She has kindly written a short piece for any new mums out there who might be struggling. Mental health isn’t a topic I ever thought about prior to having children but I now know how important it is to speak up if you are ever struggling or needing help. Having a child can be a really lonely place especially if you don’t have a good support network around you or people you can turn to for help. If this post manages to help even one person who is struggling then it has been worth loosing that extra bit of sleep!





It can be normal to struggle at times when adjusting to new routines. It can be normal to struggle and even cope with a change in emotions, physical state, relationships or finances etc. It is very normal and more importantly, common to struggle and feel unable to cope when adjusting to having a baby.There has always been a stigma attached to mental health- with mums it is not uncommon to hear ‘they will think I’m mad and take my kids off me’- with this stigma a lot of people don’t ask for help. More so now with social media for example we live in a society where we want to show the world how perfect things are- but do we ever put the bad stuff online? Unrealistic expectations can make new parents feel like they are failing. Again this in itself can lead mums to retreat and not ask for help or even share with those close to them, friends, family, other mums about how they may be struggling- in turn never really learning nor realising that this is normal, a normal reaction to adjusting to a whole new routine, a whole new life.

By day I am a Cognitive Behavioural Psychotherapist, by night I am a mum. Until experiencing this journey of motherhood myself I can confirm that I too felt a lot of what I am writing. I think this highlights that whoever we are the sheer magnitude of change is going to have an impact of sorts.Everyone’s experience of parenting is completely different.  What we can come together and agree on is that there are some clear common struggles, upsets or concerns when adjusting to having a new baby:

1) It is never what you expected. This can blow your ideals out of the water whether it be the pregnancy, the labour or  the baby. You may feel prepared but when theses stages come along you may realise that it is not what you thought it would be like. This can impact on how we see ourselves as well as the world around us.

2) Before you may feel excited, ready, prepared, keen and armed with information and baby paraphernalia. After however you may feel overwhelmed, tired, exhausted, zoned out or simply unable to read the instructions of your baby equipment. 

3) Becoming a parent involves adapting to physical, emotional and social changes. The demands can be overwhelming; the demands of the baby as well as feeling we have the demands of the midwife and society on a whole upon us.  

Here are some common thoughts after having a baby:*I haven’t bonded with my baby


*I haven’t given my baby the best start as I didn’t breastfeed

*I can’t breastfeed, I am a bad mum

*What if something bad happens to my baby

*Are they breathing

*What if what if what if

*I should be happy, I have just had a baby, why aren’t I happy

*Why do I feel this way

*I don’t like my baby

*Everyone else is coping, they are a better mums than me

*My baby will be better off without me

*I am not good enough to do this

*I should, I must

*I can’t cope, this baby is stuck with me

*I am fat, I look awful, tired, a mess 

*Have you been through a difficult time in the past, what helped then?

*What personal qualities do you have that you could use?

*What is around you- family, friends, children’s centres, midwifes, health visitors?

So what can we do? We can use are existing strengths and use the support around us. Try and think about the following:

*What strategies do you use in other areas of your life that could help?

*Have you been through a difficult time in the past, what helped then?

*What personal qualities do you have that you could use?

*What is around you- family, friends, children’s centres, midwifes, health visitors?
If you need more support see your GP. They can signpost you to the relevant agencies that can offer more formal support. 

1) Tell them what to wear
I find it so hard to dress when I'm pregnant anyway let alone when someone specifies a dress code. I'm all about tent like dresses usually heavy on the black. I was invited to a wedding where the bride had requested (demanded) that the women wear red. At this point I was 7 months pregnant and had no desire to wear red head to toe. But after being guilt tripped by my husband I decided to conform and waddled along looking like a big red mess. I tried to balance it out with a leopard print fascinator but unfortunately bridezilla had her minions on the door removing any non red fascinators and replacing them with red claire's accessorises head pieces that had no business being purchased. Needless to say during my second pregnancy when the same woman requested (demanded again) everyone wear head to toe baby blue for her baby shower I unfortunately was suffering from pregnancy exhaustion and couldn't possibly have made it.


2) Touch their bump
Why do people think it's appropriate to rub your stomach when they don't even know your name?! Seriously people in the supermarket want to tell me how lovely it is and then start stroking my bump. There was one bloke in my office who seemed to make it his daily mission to creep up on me and stroke my stomach. He would appear from nowhere and I'd suddenly have his hands all over me. My new plan is the next time someone starts to touch my belly I'm going to do the same to them, see how they like uninvited stroking.


3) Skinny pregnant people
Who are these people and what planet are they from. If you don't put on at least two stone whilst pregnant then I'm afraid I cannot be friends with you. And don't even get me started on people that slip straight back into their skinnies the week after giving birth. It takes me 18 months at least to even start to see something that vaguely resembles a waist line. If your not down for eating cake and burgers during or after pregnancy then don't bother calling me. I would not be impressed if you ordered a green tea instead of a hot chocolate with all the works, in fact I'd move tables.

4) Smelly breaths
I can list off exactly what my husband has eaten when he returns home after work - down to the relish that was on his burger. Why do noses become so sensitive during pregnancy I'm like a hound dog. God help him if he has an affair I will be able to sniff that woman out and locate her in a second!

5) Exclaiming how gigantic they are
Wow your huge, massive, gigantic! Are you carrying twins? You are eating for two aren't you! Yes I get it I'm fat, I haven't missed this fact I am aware. I can't see my vagina unless I look in a mirror, am struggling to tie my laces and have to roll out of bed so you really don't need to point out how big I am....I have noticed!

6) Tell them this is a magical time
I get it I'm growing life inside me, it's amazing and wonderful but actually it's also really bloody hardwork and knackering. So if I'm having a rant please feel free to ignore me but do not tell me its magical. I'm a hot sweaty mess, can just about see my feet, get indigestion every time I eat and am constipated. Nothing magical about that in my book!

7) Text me daily asking if my baby has arrived
Nope still pregnant! It amazes me when i receive these messages asking if I've had the baby yet. Oh yeah I coughed it out last week did I forget to tell you! No I'm still sat here like a big sweaty mess struggling to walk up a flight of stairs. But thanks for taking the time to text me to remind me I'm still pregnant! Trust me once I've been through the trauma of labour EVERYONE will know about it!

8) Tell them they look tired
If I look tired chances are I feel it. You don't need to point it out. My house has mirrors ta!


9) Get them the wrong item of food
I nearly divorced my husband this week. I specifically asked for Rose turkish delight when he decided to do a snack run to the shop in fact I said it about three times just to make sure he was clear on his mission. He came back with Rose and Pistachio turkish delight. Not acceptable.

10) Check whether they should be eating / drinking / doing something
The first time I was pregnant anything that passed my lips needed a passport and my husband was the Immigration Officer. His favourite hobby became googling my food choices and clarifying with waiters what exactly was in the sauce. Last time I checked it was advice and I am an adult so please don't feel the need to check whether I'm "allowed" something. One extra mouthful of tuna surely is not going to cause the end of the world. I soon learnt the value of secret eating whilst the food police weren't watching.

TAAARAAAAAAA just off to eat a rare steak smeared in pate with a side of calamari lifting weights at the gym has made me hungry!