With today being world mental health day I thought it would be totally ok to pimp out one of my friends and her extensive knowledge on this subject. Im lucky enough to have a close friend who is a Cognitive Behavioural Psychotherapist. She has kindly written a short piece for any new mums out there who might be struggling. Mental health isn’t a topic I ever thought about prior to having children but I now know how important it is to speak up if you are ever struggling or needing help. Having a child can be a really lonely place especially if you don’t have a good support network around you or people you can turn to for help. If this post manages to help even one person who is struggling then it has been worth loosing that extra bit of sleep!
It can be normal to struggle at times when adjusting to new routines. It can be normal to struggle and even cope with a change in emotions, physical state, relationships or finances etc. It is very normal and more importantly, common to struggle and feel unable to cope when adjusting to having a baby.There has always been a stigma attached to mental health- with mums it is not uncommon to hear ‘they will think I’m mad and take my kids off me’- with this stigma a lot of people don’t ask for help. More so now with social media for example we live in a society where we want to show the world how perfect things are- but do we ever put the bad stuff online? Unrealistic expectations can make new parents feel like they are failing. Again this in itself can lead mums to retreat and not ask for help or even share with those close to them, friends, family, other mums about how they may be struggling- in turn never really learning nor realising that this is normal, a normal reaction to adjusting to a whole new routine, a whole new life.
By day I am a Cognitive Behavioural Psychotherapist, by night I am a mum. Until experiencing this journey of motherhood myself I can confirm that I too felt a lot of what I am writing. I think this highlights that whoever we are the sheer magnitude of change is going to have an impact of sorts.Everyone’s experience of parenting is completely different. What we can come together and agree on is that there are some clear common struggles, upsets or concerns when adjusting to having a new baby:
1) It is never what you expected. This can blow your ideals out of the water whether it be the pregnancy, the labour or the baby. You may feel prepared but when theses stages come along you may realise that it is not what you thought it would be like. This can impact on how we see ourselves as well as the world around us.
2) Before you may feel excited, ready, prepared, keen and armed with information and baby paraphernalia. After however you may feel overwhelmed, tired, exhausted, zoned out or simply unable to read the instructions of your baby equipment.
3) Becoming a parent involves adapting to physical, emotional and social changes. The demands can be overwhelming; the demands of the baby as well as feeling we have the demands of the midwife and society on a whole upon us.
Here are some common thoughts after having a baby:*I haven’t bonded with my baby
*I haven’t given my baby the best start as I didn’t breastfeed
*I can’t breastfeed, I am a bad mum
*What if something bad happens to my baby
*Are they breathing
*What if what if what if
*I should be happy, I have just had a baby, why aren’t I happy
*Why do I feel this way
*I don’t like my baby
*Everyone else is coping, they are a better mums than me
*My baby will be better off without me
*I am not good enough to do this
*I should, I must
*I can’t cope, this baby is stuck with me
*I am fat, I look awful, tired, a mess
*Have you been through a difficult time in the past, what helped then?
*What personal qualities do you have that you could use?
*What is around you- family, friends, children’s centres, midwifes, health visitors?
So what can we do? We can use are existing strengths and use the support around us. Try and think about the following:
*What strategies do you use in other areas of your life that could help?
*Have you been through a difficult time in the past, what helped then?
*What personal qualities do you have that you could use?
*What is around you- family, friends, children’s centres, midwifes, health visitors?
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