1) Tell them what to wear
I find it so hard to dress when I'm pregnant anyway let alone when someone specifies a dress code. I'm all about tent like dresses usually heavy on the black. I was invited to a wedding where the bride had requested (demanded) that the women wear red. At this point I was 7 months pregnant and had no desire to wear red head to toe. But after being guilt tripped by my husband I decided to conform and waddled along looking like a big red mess. I tried to balance it out with a leopard print fascinator but unfortunately bridezilla had her minions on the door removing any non red fascinators and replacing them with red claire's accessorises head pieces that had no business being purchased. Needless to say during my second pregnancy when the same woman requested (demanded again) everyone wear head to toe baby blue for her baby shower I unfortunately was suffering from pregnancy exhaustion and couldn't possibly have made it.


2) Touch their bump
Why do people think it's appropriate to rub your stomach when they don't even know your name?! Seriously people in the supermarket want to tell me how lovely it is and then start stroking my bump. There was one bloke in my office who seemed to make it his daily mission to creep up on me and stroke my stomach. He would appear from nowhere and I'd suddenly have his hands all over me. My new plan is the next time someone starts to touch my belly I'm going to do the same to them, see how they like uninvited stroking.


3) Skinny pregnant people
Who are these people and what planet are they from. If you don't put on at least two stone whilst pregnant then I'm afraid I cannot be friends with you. And don't even get me started on people that slip straight back into their skinnies the week after giving birth. It takes me 18 months at least to even start to see something that vaguely resembles a waist line. If your not down for eating cake and burgers during or after pregnancy then don't bother calling me. I would not be impressed if you ordered a green tea instead of a hot chocolate with all the works, in fact I'd move tables.

4) Smelly breaths
I can list off exactly what my husband has eaten when he returns home after work - down to the relish that was on his burger. Why do noses become so sensitive during pregnancy I'm like a hound dog. God help him if he has an affair I will be able to sniff that woman out and locate her in a second!

5) Exclaiming how gigantic they are
Wow your huge, massive, gigantic! Are you carrying twins? You are eating for two aren't you! Yes I get it I'm fat, I haven't missed this fact I am aware. I can't see my vagina unless I look in a mirror, am struggling to tie my laces and have to roll out of bed so you really don't need to point out how big I am....I have noticed!

6) Tell them this is a magical time
I get it I'm growing life inside me, it's amazing and wonderful but actually it's also really bloody hardwork and knackering. So if I'm having a rant please feel free to ignore me but do not tell me its magical. I'm a hot sweaty mess, can just about see my feet, get indigestion every time I eat and am constipated. Nothing magical about that in my book!

7) Text me daily asking if my baby has arrived
Nope still pregnant! It amazes me when i receive these messages asking if I've had the baby yet. Oh yeah I coughed it out last week did I forget to tell you! No I'm still sat here like a big sweaty mess struggling to walk up a flight of stairs. But thanks for taking the time to text me to remind me I'm still pregnant! Trust me once I've been through the trauma of labour EVERYONE will know about it!

8) Tell them they look tired
If I look tired chances are I feel it. You don't need to point it out. My house has mirrors ta!


9) Get them the wrong item of food
I nearly divorced my husband this week. I specifically asked for Rose turkish delight when he decided to do a snack run to the shop in fact I said it about three times just to make sure he was clear on his mission. He came back with Rose and Pistachio turkish delight. Not acceptable.

10) Check whether they should be eating / drinking / doing something
The first time I was pregnant anything that passed my lips needed a passport and my husband was the Immigration Officer. His favourite hobby became googling my food choices and clarifying with waiters what exactly was in the sauce. Last time I checked it was advice and I am an adult so please don't feel the need to check whether I'm "allowed" something. One extra mouthful of tuna surely is not going to cause the end of the world. I soon learnt the value of secret eating whilst the food police weren't watching.

TAAARAAAAAAA just off to eat a rare steak smeared in pate with a side of calamari lifting weights at the gym has made me hungry!

Yehaaaar! We have survived a wet weekend in a caravan in Whitstable! Well actually it was a mobile home if that makes me any classier! There's something weirdly fun about roughing it for the weekend and all living on top of each other. The kids absolutely loved their tiny bedrooms and running between the caravans our group of friends had booked.


We are still caravan novices, as a family this was our second experience. The first being last May when Sid was two and Ralph a teeny tiny six weeks old. With all our friends and family thinking we were mad it was actually the perfect trip for our new family of four. Both were Park Holiday resorts in Whitstable but at different sites. I can highly recommend both as being dirt cheap, clean and having brilliant facilities; Seasalter and Seaview. Whitstable is my absolute favourite location for a long weekend break, the scenery is stunning, the restaurants are fabulous and it is surrounded by neighbouring towns that are perfect for a day trip. This was our second time there and as we were going with a group of friends I made an effort to be organised and book the restaurants that we failed so miserably at being able to eat in the last time we went. I LOVE my food and the restaurants below were all incredible and all child friendly! #Winning! In fact the whole of Whitstable is very child friendly, there are no frowns when you enter a cute little shop with a pushchair or if your child chucks a piece of scampi across a restaurant. In fact people seemed to find the mess our group made adorable.

 JoJo's

JoJo's is a wonderful meat and fish meze restaurant on the seafront. There is a coffee shop in the front that requires no booking or the main restaurant out the back which definitely requires booking. This is the first time we have been able to get in and I am pleased to say it was well worth the wait. The restaurant style is relaxed and stylish with an open kitchen at the back. The food is wonderful and service fabulous. I cannot fault it at all. The staff even encouraged our newly walking Ralph to explore the restaurant while we sat eating, admiring the views. Highlights from the menu were the mixed and vegetarian meze boards along with the salted caramel tart with cinnamon ice-cream! They tasted as good as they sound!

The Forge

From JoJo's we took the most beautiful walk with the kids along the seafront to Whitstable highstreet. Letting the kids hunt for shells and crabs to tire them out. Don't be tempted to get a Mr Whippy en route wait it out until you get to The Forge. The Forge is a seafront shack that serves the most amazing hot sugary donuts and specialty ice-cream. Be warned a nap will be necessary for all after this afternoon pick me up!

The Pearson Arms 

The Sunday roasts at the Pearson Arms are a must. The plates of food scream high end restaurant however the prices are extremely reasonable and it was brilliant for the kids. In fact it was full of families with young children being noisy and messy so luckily we fit right in. Stick around because following the food service a Jazz band comes out to serenade you and your party whilst you sample the local ale.

The Lobster Shack

An absolute must for the seafood fans out there! Between the group we tried every dish on the menu. It was love at first bite from the oysters to the lobster to the beer battered cod, it was perfection! Be warned though you cannot book here but the benefit of having children is that you are ready for lunch at 11.30am so we had no difficulty getting a table. The restaurant is relaxed, informal and has a seafront setting with vintage decor and the speediest service around. They have toys available to keep the kids entertained whilst you chow down their hugely generous portions. You might even get a lesson on how to fish for oysters on the way in as you pass the workers cleaning and size sorting them!

Samphire 

Right on the highstreet this cosy tucked away find served us the most delicious brunch. The kids were silent whilst they devoured their french toast and fruit compotes and the adults got a (very) quick scan of the newspapers available.



Anyone with families needing to escape the smog of the city for some seaside air, Whitstable is a must. This week you will mainly find me scouring rightmove as I debate the usual battle of city life vs fresh air......small terraced house vs huge mansion.....space is overrated right?!

I love a finger print tree and have used one at all our special events; when we got married; the children's christenings and their birthday parties.

There is no doubt that I have collected every friend and family member's fingerprint! I'm sure people are starting to think I starting my own database on them!

Inspired by a friend's upcoming baby shower I decided to design my own range of alternative fingerprint trees. Be warned the designs are retro in style, bright, bold and quirky. They are not for people who want to blend into the background or conform to the norm. These prints will stand boldly in your living room and will definitely be a centre piece in a child's nursery. It is such a beautiful way to capture your wonderful occasion and remember all those that shared the moment with you.

It has been a long sleepless week getting these perfected and online so please feedback and comment below, like, share and hell why not buy!

The Range...

Rainbow

"When it rains look for rainbows"

Remember your special event with this bold retro print. A truly unique way of capturing the guests who shared your day with you. Your family and friends will fill in the raindrops with their fingerprints and write their name. This will be a perfect addition to a baby shower or first birthday.

Product code: 001
£19.99

Add personalised message

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Melon

"You're one in a melon"

Everyone loves watermelon's right! Pick this print for your quirky unique friend to capture the fingerprints of their loved ones at an event such as a hen do or birthday. Your family and friends will fill in the seeds on the watermelon with their fingerprints.

Product code: 002
£19.99

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Pineapple

"You're the pineapple of my eye"

Pick this fun and unique fingerprint guestbook to capture an event for a loved one such as a birthday or engagement party. Once completed and displayed on a wall it will bring sunshine and fun to any backdrop. Your family and friends will fill in the pineapple skin with their fingerprints.

Product code: 003
£19.99

Add personalised message

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Cactus

"I'm stuck on you"

For the cactus lovers out there pick this fun print! A bold and fun piece of art to brighten up an event such as a engagement party, anniversary or wedding. Your family and friends will fill in the cactus pricks with their fingerprints.

Product code: 004
£19.99

Add personalised message

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All Prints Supplied

Printed with your own personalisation and supplied with a ink pad.

Included is: your personalised, blank r print which as standard is unframed and one black ink pad.

Your chosen personalisation can be absolutely anything you wish with a limit of 200 characters. if there is a lot of text we will have to use a smaller font but we will always make sure the print remains as beautiful as possible.

Personalise the print with text such as a message/ names/ date. For example Bride and Groom's names, Child's name for a christening, a family surname or a personal message.

Please note however the text is entered on the order form (capitals, lower case letters, and/&) is how it will appear on the print.

Printed to order in London by Mama Makes on high quality 170g matt white thick paper.

The ink pad supplied is chalk ink and acid free.

Dimensions: Print measurement is 42 x 29.5cm and is supplied unframed.

Each print is suitable for approximately 30-50 fingerprints.

Returns: As the print is personalised, bespoke and made to order to your specific requirements the print will be non refundable, unless faulty. Should you need to return the item due to item being faulty you will need to deliver the item to the UK where the seller is based.

This week it's my mum's birthday. It's only since being a mum myself that I've realised how much work and love she put into raising me. I assumed she loved making my bed each morning, longed to make dinner every evening and actually got a kick out of ironing! My favourite hobby as a teenage was leaving my dirty clothes sprawled around my bedroom as though I was creating an art exhibition. I definitely don't remember thanking her for any of these chores! Oh to be young, ignorant and selfish! I'm one of four children that she spread out over 15 years, her first at 17 and last at 32. She had to wait a long 32 years before the last one flew the nest. That's longer than a life sentence in this country for murder!


I wrote a little ode inspired by my mum and all my wonderful mama friends who work so hard to survive day to day and provide the most loving environments for their little ones to flourish! We are all a Mum Boss and sometimes we should do a fist pump just because we are so fabulous! So here is a textual fist pump for each and every one of you wonderful super mamas!

Mum Boss

Mama makes isn't just a blog! We are all about bringing together the local mums and children to get creative. Lots of exciting things are coming to the East London area in the next few months so keep your eyes peeled.

WINE & WHINE
An evening craft class aimed at mama with a side of alcohol! Treat yourself to this exciting night out come with friends or alone! Its exclusive to mama’s and we promise it wont be clicky or snotty! You definitely can sit with us!!!!

HOLIDAY CLUB
We all love the summer holidays but the time off with fun activities can be hard going! Let mama makes help! Come along with your little one for a crafternoon of fun and learn a new skill together! There is something truly magical about parent and child learning a new skill together and going home with their creation! Or if your child is old enough drop them off and take a break whilst your tween gets creative! Come and join in on the fun!



CRAFTERNOONS
This class is time for you to be you! During the 90 minute class you will learn a new craft and go home with your creation to show off to your loved ones! So lets get together to make, create, chat and laugh whilst the little ones nap, play or snack. Bring your babe in arms or little toddler to play whilst your creative juices flow!

I am currently month three in my new career as a stay at home mum and I've got to be honest anyone who aspires to this is crazy! It is without a doubt the hardest job I have ever had in my life.....it is relentless. Of course there are the positives and I will get to experience lots of lovely things and that is great. However there are also a lot of things that I miss and the assumptions that people make about stay at home parents really do make me laugh. Mainly because I used to think the exact same thing!

Well here I am ready to blow them out of the water for you....

1. It is better than being at work

I used to think this (cringe) and was jealous of my SAH friends. However I now don't get sick leave, annual leave or a lunch break. I'm not even allowed to use the toilet alone. I  have completely stopped shutting the door when I go to the toilet as my one year old proceeded to stand outside and bang the door demanding he see me throughout my trip to the porcelin throne.

2.  I sit around all day watching daytime TV

I actually miss out on watching daytime TV because I am either out of the house entertaining the kids or the in house babysitter, CBeebies is looking after them whilst I attempt some chores.

3.  I can be flexible because I don't have a job

Each day is run like a military operation, with two kids under school age I can't be flexible just because I don't have a job. If it's not meal time, it's snack time. If they're not eating they need to nap. If they're not napping I am at a play group, music class, sports class or at a playdate.

4. I can have a lie in because I don't have to clock in at work

My day starts at 6.30am same way it used to when I was at work. In fact when I was on a late shift and the kids were in childcare I could have a lie in!! I now have to set an alarm so I can be up, showered and dressed for the kids when they wake. After their 12 hour sleepathon they wake up with more energy than Davina Mccall and I have to be ready for them and their endless demands.

5. My day ends when the kids are in bed

Nope wrong again! The problem with always being at home is that I'm not "allowed" to let the household chores slip. Before when I ran off to work I knew the cleaner would be working her magic or I could ignore all the other chores that needed doing. After the kids are in bed I then have to prepare the forth meal of the day, dinner for myself and my husband (Unfortunately I married for love instead of culinary flare). Then I have to recover the house for the next groundhog day and so the cycle continues.

6. I go to pilates and drink coffee with my friends all day

If only! It is solely me looking after the kids. Both sets of grandparents live 90 minutes away and one set are still in full time employment. So it's me and the kids that's it! I don't have anyone to watch the children so I can go to pilates or to get my hair done (I have a head full of grey hairs to prove this). When I meet with friends I always end up drinking a cold stale coffee and have numerous unfinished conversations whilst we take turns in dealing with tantrums, sharing issues or running around trying to control the herd of children.

7. I am happy that I stopped working

Definitely not. I worked very hard to get to the position I was in and really enjoyed working part time. 3 days a week was perfection, I got dressed up in heels, wore makeup, did my hair and had adult conversation ALL DAY LONG! Don't get me wrong the job was stressful with a lot of pressure and long hours however hardwork was recognised and acknowledged. Now I have to beg for a thank you or quiz the boys as to whether they like the recipes I've spent 2 hours cooking.

8. I am happy to be used as a childminder 

Some friends have taken to using me as free childcare. Now to clarify, I love the kids having playdates because I get to see my friends and with that comes adult conversation. When my working friends visit I now see them taking sneaky glances at the family calendar to try and see when I will be available for hire. The phone calls requesting to drop kids off to my house has over taken the volume of PPI calls I receive.

9. I am the perfect Stepford Wife

My mum will tell you I was born messy! My house is not immaculate it very much looks lived in and you know when you enter that I have children! I don't get excited by laundry and cleaning - it's not 1920 I don't see why I should! Unfortunately my kids have inherited my messy gene and have a superhero ability to demolish a room in seconds.

10. I talk like a children's TV presenter and love playgroups

I have pretty much been to every baby and toddler group going. I've sung every nursery rhyme and read every child's book in the library. Three years in and this has got old.......I definitely do skip pages in their story books after i've been asked to read it for the 100th time and only go to playgroups to see my mates. The worst part is I've just added another 5 years to this sentence as I'm about to have to do it all over again with baby number 3! Help!



So there you are, being a stay at home mum is not what I thought it would be! But then when I was a working mum I felt like I was missing out on precious time with the kids. So whether you stay at home, work from home or have to go into the office its all hardwork and never ending. When do we get the award for working our butts off that's what I want to know!

Must dash I'm booked into Pilates at noon!

After reminiscing over "the forgotten me" I  realised I was long overdue some me time and booked myself in for a facial...not just any facial, the validation facial at Lush Spa, Kings Road. Three letters O M G! it took me from grey and drab to living breathing human in an hour and 20 mins.

I of course booked the treatment for 9.30am so that I could run out of the house before my husband could realise he was being left to fend for himself with the boys. I also picked a location on the other side of London forcing me to have a full day sans nappy bag.

I'm not going to dress it up the treatments here are expensive. The validation facial costing £85 however I have not had a day away from the kids in 9 weeks! 9 very long weeks! I figured I was really only spending £10 a week on myself for the time I had been held hostage.

So the session starts with meeting your therapist. I had a lovely lady called Keira who started with a  consultation that lasted about 20 minutes going through my skin type (grey, greasy, wrinkly) and what treatments I currently use (baby wet wipe quickly wiped around my face before falling asleep). From there we went onto the shop floor and holding a slate pallete  like an artist she took me round all the products that she needed to use for the treatment and I got to select which ones I wanted. Together we created the most wonderful array of splodges on the pallet. There was a lot of sniffing and rubbing in of samples. I love a freebie so made the most of being able to experiment with everything and rubbed creams into every exposed piece of skin on my body. I mean one of their facial serums was created specifically for Princess Diana I couldn't miss out on that especially as it has a price tag of £42.


The treatment rooms are incredible there are littles bottles of potions and lotions dotted around amongst the vintage homewares. Lush also has its own music department and each treatment has its own specially created soundtrack. The music I experienced took me to the Dorset coastline where Lush was born and it was beautiful.

After this the treatment begins! As I have a habit of falling fast asleep when anything remotely relaxing occurs I made a huge effort to stay awake and enjoy every moment. I'm not going to ruin it and take you through the exact treatment but it is so much more than a facial. Note to future users shave legs and armpits! Luckily for both Keira and I, I treated myself to a ten minute shower this morning so both the above were achieved! Hooray!

So of course after the treatment I went for a lovely lunch alone and made sure I picked somewhere that didn't have highchairs! Ate lunch with two hands, drank a hot cup of coffee and was able to enjoy the rest of the day shopping for big stretchy tent like clothing without navigating a pushchair around central London. Today I definitely feel like I'm winning at life. Now i just need to uncover a big stash of cash so that I can make this a weekly pick me up!

So this week on a very busy tube my three year old asked me " Mummy why are you wearing your bedtime trousers?"

I wasn't! I was wearing what I thought were very cool trousers! Clearly not and my embarrassment was met with smirks from other tube users. I don't blame them there is nothing funnier than the brutal honesty that children can throw out there. It was just a shame it was my child throwing me shade in such a public arena.

Sadly my son will never know that I haven't always looked like this......I used to be able to take longer than ten minutes to shower, get dressed and apply makeup. The makeup recently has been slipping in fact I ran out of foundation three months ago but haven't had a chance to replenish. Nareece circa 2012 would laugh at the thought of this. Never would she have seen a foundationless face as an option. Never would she have be seen in public without makeup, let a lone in a pair of trousers that resembled PJ's! In fact I'm sure my husband only saw my actual face 9 months after we got married when I gave birth to said verbally abusive child. Ahhhhhhhh motherhood you are a bitch sometimes!

The forgotten me